"What men mean when they talk about their “crazy” ex-girlfriend is often that she was someone who cried a lot, or texted too often, or had an eating disorder, or wanted too much/too little sex, or generally felt anything beyond the realm of emotionally undemanding agreement. That does not make these women crazy. That makes those women human beings, who have flaws, and emotional weak spots. However, deciding that any behavior that he does not like must be insane– well, that does make a man a jerk.
And when men do this on a regular basis, remember that, if you are a woman, you are not the exception. You are not so cool and fabulous and levelheaded that they will totally get where you are coming from when you show emotions other than “pleasant agreement.”
When men say “most women are crazy, but not you, you’re so cool” the subtext is not, “I love you, be the mother to my children.” The subtext is “do not step out of line, here.” If you get close enough to the men who say things like this, eventually, you will do something that they do not find pleasant. They will decide you are crazy, because this is something they have already decided about women in general."
Jennifer Wright, “Lady, You Really Aren’t ‘Crazy’” (via keefrich)
I agree with this, but I also think that the sexism in our culture drives some women a little crazy. Not their fault, but still their responsibility to try and clean up if they want a way out of the fuckedupedness.
There’s that really terrible dynamic I’ve seen play out more than once where a woman with actual emotional problems is with a dude who legit thinks that’s just how women *are* and so he plays into it. I’m talking weird, narcissistic, controlling behavior, or maybe petulant, spoiled, emotionally abusive behavior. And I’ve seen the reverse gender equation, of course, with an overbearing “alpha” sort of dude dating a woman who thinks that’s just how men are supposed to be, and the accompanying abuse.
So…down with gender essentalism and the totally damaging socialization that perpetuates it.
Important commentary as well. If people don’t have a good baseline of ‘this is how people should behave and treat each other’ because their expectations are all fucked up, or lack the confidence to stand up for themselves, they’ve already got a problem going into a relationship.
(Source: sparkamovement, via leahclaire)